Friday, 5 June 2009

Well i started my personal blog yesterday and asked my very supportive Twitter family to check it out and see if its OK,I was so overwhelmed by the response i got from everyone,Instead of being shunned like I thought I may by some people,everyone responded with so much positive and loving comments,Often in this world people judge you by what you are,who you once was,and by your upbringing,i mean if i was to say to someone the first time i met them 'hi I'm 33yrs old come from my own hell,been homeless,alcoholic parents oh and by the way I'm also an ex junkie who tried on several occasions to kill myself' BANG that person would probably run a mile.That's the saddest thing of all for myself and many many like me,its hard to change yourself yet harder to get people to believe you have changed, yes i hurt many people while i was growing up and still sometimes wait for a knife to stab me in the back from someone i upset when i was younger,But the truth is i have changed,I grew up and except my wrongs and past,and I'm stronger for that,I would never want any person to go through what i did,not even my worst enemy,but then again i would not change my past because its made me what i am today.Please don't get me wrong there are millions of men woman and sadly children that have gone through worse than myself and do go through real hell....But my past is my hell,strong people may have coped better if they was in my shoes but i could not cope ,i did not cope,all i knew from day one was rejection,hurt,pain,tears loneliness,and the word trust was a no no for sure,Never did I fall prey to trusting anybody while i grew up,allow yet another person into my life to just have them rip my heart out,it wasn't happening and sadly turned what should of been great teenage years to me hating the world hating every person around me and worst of all completely hating myself....I am finding it hard now because remembering feeling that much hate for myself is very upsetting for me as i now have a wonderful life and to know i was once that low is quite emotional so for now I'm gonna blog off except myself again kiss my reflection in the mirror kiss my wonderful kids but i promise once I've worked through this memory i will be back with more thank you for taking the time to read this....

1 comment:

Simon said...

Hi there this is a great post. Be careful on twitter with the get more followers apps, I have just had my account suspended. Cheers Simon @spes123