Wednesday, 10 June 2009

Dont blame the children....Part 1

Divorce or parents separating is traumatic for everyone involved the parents have to face a lot of home truths , heartbreak,being alone and often being second place to whatever or whoever is the cause of any problems,but i feel the children have to suffer a whole lot worse all the above and more.I have never been a fan of 'lets stay together for the sake of the kids' because from my own experience of that it makes not only the parents lives hell and misery but also the innocent children. When things go wrong in our lives we often look for something or someone to blame,or maybe not blame but take it out on,and who easier then the ones that are closest,But when those ones that are closest are the children,they don't understand why its all happening,they don't understand that Mummy's not really angry at them,I mean of course the general idea when we take it out on the ones we love we do that because we know they love us unconditionally and we scream and shout because we will be forgiven for child can understand that concept if you tell a child often enough the sky is purple they will say the sky is purple,if you tell the child often enough they are to blame for Mummy and Daddy splitting up they to will sadly believe that.My blogs so far have been hard to re-live but this one i think is the hardest one to have to re-live.So i have decided to make this blog part one because i know full well the emotions will be to overwhelming and i will need to stop if only to keep myself sanity.but i will as promised not give up until I've completed my diary of my life..........I was that child that took the blame...I was that child that spent my whole life till i reached adulthood feeling that it was all my fault....That by no means was a easy weight to carry in fact i would not say it only traumatized me it completely fucked me,my head and my life up..When i was but a 6 year old innocent little girl i awoke one night after having a bad dream,at the time my mum worked nightshirts in a factory and us kids was at home with dad,upon opening my parents bedroom door which at the time was very difficult because something seemed to be in the way,but i kept pushing till i could see in and i wont say to my horror because i was six i didn't know any different but what i saw was my dad in bed with Gloria my mums best friend,i think i knew it was not right just by the look and my dads face but after being shouted at to get back to bed i did so and that is where i stayed.The following morning my mum was already back from work and i have no clue where my dad was at the time but i remember saying as normally as possible.'daddy was in bed with Gloria last night,and that was when it hit me not what i said because like a said i was six i didn't know what hit me was my mums full force smack straight around my face i remember the pain was shearing and i screamed and wailed like a puppy not understand why the hell my mum attacked me,she was calling me a 'fucking liar' and 'why the fuck talk like that' I knew i wasn't lying I know what i saw so i repeated it to her through sobs only to receive another wallop on the same side of my face' liar liar fucking little liar' those words will stay with me forever...sorry to stop but i fear this may take several parts to complete...i will return soon.from this point and carry on.thank you 4 reading.


MysticStar said...

Oh girl that was so powerful, I was in tears and could hear your screams. keep up the good blogging!! You are strong and this only makes you stronger and gets it out!!

VI Chick said...

I actually imagined the whole thing. Like I was watching it on tv. Girl when we fall down, we get right back up. We tell our stories so not only can we heal but others can learn. Great Job!